Expectation – noun
A strong belief that something will happen or be the case;
A belief that someone will or should achieve something
We place so many expectations on ourselves, our loved ones and even on the people we work with and become disappointed, angry and frustrated when they aren’t met.
It tends to happen without you even realising, something suddenly doesn’t turn out the way you expected it to and then you’re reacting without knowing why it is so important to you.
The problem with setting expectations upon others is that we assume that they know what is expected of them. In our mind, it is either common sense or we believe that something will happen the way that we want it to.
When it doesn’t happen the way that we want it becomes a trigger, a pain point that brings on feelings of anger, resentment, sadness, disappointment or frustration.
The key to ensuring that you don’t experience the downturn of expectations on your relationships is to:
- Communicate, rather than expecting something communicate with the person and tell them exactly what you would like them to do or what you would like to happen.
- Have a preference though understand that what you would prefer and what the outcome may be are two different things.
Now for the big one, setting expectations upon your self. It is oh so easy to set unrealistic and unattainable expectations upon our self. Often the reason you have such high expectations of others is that you have even higher expectations of yourself.
How can you break the pattern of placing extreme expectations on yourself?
- Get crystal clear on what you expect of yourself and where it comes from. Is it truly your own expectation or is it an expectation that someone else is placing upon you.
- Tune in to work out if the expectations you’ve set for yourself are realistic, attainable and necessary.
- Turn your expectations into attainable goals; break them down into bite-size chunks that you can work towards over time. Nothing happens overnight, it takes time to change, grow and achieve our dreams.
As they say, expectations ruin your relationships, and the most important relationship you will ever have is with yourself.
If you are able to become aware of the expectations you set for yourself and learn to release these you will naturally drop the expectations that you place upon others.
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Have fun on your journey!