It is time to stop shoulding all over ourselves and our loved ones. The “disease to please” has overtaken the importance of taking care of ourselves first so that we can give to others with love, care and kindness.
As is repeated time and time again, during the pre-flight safety demonstration “be sure to adjust your own mask before helping others”. The same goes for filling yourself up physically, mentally and emotionally.
You can not give to others what you do not have yourself. When we’re tired, emotionally out of balance or have a busy mind we bring this energy wherever we go. That means every person you encounter, every friend you meet and social gathering you go to you’ll bring the half-assed version of yourself.
While your friends and family understand that you’re not always going to be on your A game, wouldn’t you rather show up bursting with joy to see them and spend time with, having the ability to be fully present in the conversation and providing them with your full attention?
The reason we don’t show up as the best version of ourselves is that we are so busy shouding all over all the place. I ‘should’ go to that social gathering, I ‘should’ do such and such for X, I ‘should’ do all those errands right this minute, I ‘should’ have had XYZ finished already, and the list goes on.
Not only do we ‘should’ all over ourselves though we also place these expectations on our loved ones. X ‘should’ be here, X ‘should’ do this for me because I did it for them, X ‘should’ of had that finished already.
All this shoulding is leaving us feeling ether depleted physically, mentally or emotionally as well as piling on the guilt of not being the best version of ourselves and not being able to be the best version of ourselves for our family and friends.
While we are depleted we aren’t providing those we encounter with our full attention or presence, and in the end, this leaves them feeling disconnected or worse unimportant.
The thing is though your true friends and family will understand that this time you can’t give them time, energy or space as you yourself are depleted. They will understand because there will be a time when they can not provide you with time, energy or space as they themselves are depleted.
The magic of this is that when you are feeling rejuvenated and overflowing you can give your all to them and in return when they are rejuvenated and overflowing they can give there all to you. This creates those moments of real human connection, that feeling of truly being seen and heard. Nothing feels better than that!
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Have fun on your journey!